The Artichoke: a satirical take on all things Wellesley

Sources confirmed Tuesday that Anita An ’15 has finished building her house in the Clapp Library. The sophomore, who is pursuing an interdepartmental architecture major, reportedly started her project over fall break, when she hired contractors to build on the third floor of the library.

“I hated walking all the way from Stone-D to the library. It took away a lot of study time,” said An, who was interviewed in the Clapp Library. “Sometimes my PLTC neighbors are distracting, but the distractions are more academic, so it’s okay. Now that I live here, I can focus on studying all the time—I have no excuse not to. It’s really good for my GPA.” 

Her former roommate, Tally Tale ’15, confirmed an increase in An’s grades the  week that she was gone. “Anita’s on top of her game,” she stated. “Her grades are almost as good as mine.” Under her breath, she added, “God, I need to step it up.”

An has demonstrated how “on top of her game” she really is by building the house impressively quickly—the entire job reportedly took a mere four days. 

“It was actually really simple. I used all the money that I earned working at the Help Desk and called in a couple IOUs to hire these guys over fall break. I gave them permission to use a couple desks that nobody would miss, and it ended up being pretty cheap. Even the lighting was cheap. They put in ceiling lights using unwanted lamps from the study areas, diverted some electricity from the library and wired everything so it’s easy to use. They did a fantastic job.”

An’s architecture major advisor, assistant professor of Art History Bill Bildin, attended her housewarming party on Tuesday. He voiced his approval of An’s work and admitted that she has a lot of potential. 

“[The contractors] did do a fantastic job, but it’s Anita I’m really impressed by,” said Bildin. “She has a bright future ahead of her. This sort of ambition, innovation and independent thinking will carry her far.” 

The intricately engraved door to An’s new home was inspired by gothic designs, but the rest of the house has a simple, modern approach, with just two rooms: a bedroom and a study. The bedroom consists of a bed (three mattress pads on top of a reconstructed desk), a dresser (another reconstructed chair) and a nightstand (a chair with the back support removed). The study is simply an intact desk and three chairs. The walls—which An decorated using six copies of the same free poster available from the library, plus a few pictures of Madeline Albright—are made out of desks.

Surprisingly, An finds little inconvenience in Clapp’s hours. “I use the library’s schedule to monitor my own sleeping schedule. They open at 8:15, and that’s around the time I finish my yoga routine. They close at midnight on the weekdays, and that’s when I go to bed. I stop studying at 11:45, when they ring the bell to signify fifteen more minutes before closing. That’s when I get ready for bed. I change into my Hillary Clinton pajamas—flannel ones with Hillary’s face on them that I made over the summer—then I brush my teeth and write in my goal diary. Once they kick everyone out, I go to sleep. On Saturdays, sometimes I’ll misbehave a little.  Instead of working or sleeping, I’ll take a movie from their collection upstairs and watch it in bed.”

According to Beatrice Beard ’14, word has gotten out on campus about An’s new dwelling. “Students are jealous of Anita’s prime library real estate,” said Beard, who works at the Clapp circulation and is now frequently dealing with students requesting their own fixed space within the library. 

Three students have already claimed spots in the Science Center, while the Library and Technology Services (LTS) administration struggles to find a valid reason for barring such intrusions. 

The Housing and Transportation Office (HTO) was unavailable to comment, prompting some members of the Wellesley College community to speculate that the Office is secretly hoping that other students will erect library houses, thereby reducing the near-critical housing shortage. Nevertheless, LTS and HTO administrations are currently consulting with the economics department, fearing a Wellesley College library housing bubble burst sometime in the future.